50 ways to annoy Edward Cullen xD
by Nomibob
Summary: My favourite 50 ways to annoy Edward Cullen from Twilight. Next 50 ways to annoy Twilight characters will be Bella Swan.
1. Edward

On Halloween ask him if he'll go trick-or-treating with you and if he'll dress up as a vampire

When he says no say "fine, how about a werewolf?"

Tell him he got Tanya pregnant

When he says that's impossible, vampires can't get pregnant call him a liar

When he says it's the truth say "lying is a sin, I thought you wanted to go to heaven Edward"

Whenever he gets angry or upset say "what are you going to do Edward? Go to Italy?"

Get Bella to skip around him singing "I know something you don't know"

Constantly sing 'like a virgin' by Madonna in your head whenever he's around

Call him Robert

Call him Cedric (H.P. Reference)

Make him watch Hairspray with you and make him sing along

Ask him why he's not as hot as Zac Efron

Ask him if he thinks Robert Pattinson is hot

When he says no, tell him he's got self-confidence issues

Constantly tell him he looks like that guy from Harry Potter

Make him go out in the sun and sing 'diamonds are a girl's best friend'

When you 'discover' he's a vampire throw holy water on him and say "the power of Christ compels you!"

When you 'discover' he hasn't got a pulse call 999

Beat him with planks of wood every 10 minutes

Stand behind a corner and shout boo every few minutes

'Accidentally' cut your finger then run up to him and say "kiss it better, pleeeaaassse Eddie"

Spray his Volvo pink

Say Jacob did it

Tell him Bella ran off with Jacob

Then Mike

Then Tyler

Cook him a huge meal then act offended when he won't eat it

When he feels guilty and eats it say "OMG! I wasn't serious!"

Tell him Bella went to Italy to be changed by Aro

When he gets to Italy to stop her call him and say "just joking"

Buy him a puppy and name it Jacob

Tell him there's someone who's getting on your nerves and if he can do you a "favour" ;D

Tell him Bella went cliff diving

Ask him where you can get gold-coloured contacts like those

Constantly jump in front of cars shouting "save me Edward!"

Ask him if he can turn into a bat

Call him a 107 year old virgin

Tell him he can be arrested for paedophilia

Call him a pervert for watching Bella sleep

Tell him Jacob is secretly in love with him

And so is Mike

Call him Dracula

Run up to him with the Twilight novel in your hands and say "when were you going to tell me you were a vampire?"

Constantly poke him

Constantly ask him annoying pointless question like "what colour is your hair?"

Picture yourself naked every time he walks by

Kidnap Bella and hide her in a closet

Programme his locker to play 'discovery channel' every time he opens it

Smash all his CDs on the floor and say "looky looky shiiiiiinnnnnyyyyy"

Buy him new moon, make him read it and then glare at him to make him feel guilty


	2. Bella

Tell her that Edward left her for Jane

Tell her that Jane dumped him

Then he went to Victoria

When she says "Victoria's dead!" say "I know" and walk away

Put in red contacts and say "look what Edward did to me!"

Steal her bracelet take the heart off and hand it to Edward saying "Bella said it wasn't valuable to her any more"

Say Emmett has her name tattooed on his back

Steal her wedding dress

When she asks for it back say "oh! You mean the white tablecloth I just stained"

When she gets really mad shout "look! A distraction!"

When she moans about not being a vampire, throw glitter at her and say "there, now you sparkle"

Hand her a flyer that says "vampire slayers wanted"

Put a sign on Edward's bedroom door that says "this is a no trip zone"

Ask if the thought of Edward biting her makes her...happy

If she says yes call her a "fetish freak"

If she says no call her a "liar"

Tell her that Jacob imprinted on Edward and they've run away to get married in Vegas

Tape the reaction of 17

Put the reaction on YouTube

Take an unexpected, up close picture of her

Send the picture to everyone she knows

Blow up the picture and hang it in the cafeteria

Tell her we all know the real reason she married Edward – the honeymoon

Kidnap Jacob and hide him in a closet

When she asks if you've seen him say "the last time I saw him he said something about his own little bonfire. It's funny because later that night I could have sworn I heard this big BOOM!" (Throw your arms in the air when you say "BOOM!")

Constantly poke her over and over again

When she finally says "WHAT!" turn around and say "oh! Well never mind"

Lock her in a closet with Mike

Then add Tyler

And Eric

When she finally gets out pop a party popper, throw streamers and yell "CONGRATULATIONS! YOU MADE IT OUT IN RECORD TIME!"

Ask her if she wants to try 'Escape the closet part 2'

When she says no say "fine...how about the bathroom?"

Tell Mike to follow her around singing her "favourite" songs like YMCA, Big Fish Little Fish and The Hokey Pokey

Tell her Edward went cliff diving into a sea of kerosone

And you "accidentally" dropped a lit match after him

Give her a pet bat for her birthday

When she asks where you got it say "well...Edward drank this funny potion stuff and...POOF!" (Throw your arms out on POOF!)

Steal Edward's jacket and give it to Bella saying "I may have accidentally run him over, I'm sorry he didn't make it"

When she asks how you killed a vampire gasp and scream "HE'S A VAMPIRE?!"

Make her read New Moon but don't let her read the happy ending

Then say in an evil psychic voice "this is your future"

Push her down some stairs then shout after her "don't fall" **evil smile**

Constantly push her in front of moving cars

Use her truck to make a fort

Tell her she can't have it back until she gives you the secret password

Tell her that the only reason people like her is because she falls down all the time and it's **HILARIOUS!**

Tell her someone called Aro is coming to visit

When she screams and says "WHAT!" say "oh I know, I thought it was a weird name too"

Every day at three o'clock stand outside her house screaming the lyrics to Happy Birthday.


	3. Jacob

Make him read breaking dawn – especially the honeymoon scene

Whenever he tries to talk to you, bark at him

When he gets all offended say "I was only trying to speak to you in your native tongue, I was trying to be helpful!" Stomp away

When he sits on the sofa shout "NO! BAD DOG! OFF THE SOFA!"

Hit him with newspaper

Steal Bella and lock her in a closet

When he asks if you've seen her say "the last time I saw her she said something about cliff diving"

Sneak up to him, sniff him, then walk away looking disgusted

When he phases steal his clothes

Sign him up for obedience classes

Whenever he's around start singing 'Who let the dogs out?'

*spoiler alert* Make him read breaking dawn (the bit where her imprints on Renesmee) at then shake your head and call him a pervert

Every five minutes from now on walk past him and say "pervert"

When he says it's not like that say "uh huh how about when she gets _older_?"

When he doesn't answer you shout "I WIN!"

From now on, every hour sneak up behind him and yell "I WIN!"

Make up annoying nicknames for him by adding things to his name (Jakey, Jackerino, the Jakeanator etc)

Tell him he's Remus Lupin and Sirius Black's love child (H.P. reference)

When he doesn't believe you say "oh yeah? Well how come you're a WEREWOLF and you last name is BLACK?"

Constantly remind him that he's a shape shifter not a werewolf

When he's feeling ill, feel his forehead and shout "OMG! YOU'RE RUNNING A TEMPERATURE!"

Then say "wait right there, I'll get the vet"

Every time you're in the same room continuously sneeze and say "is there a dog in here?"

Paint his bike hot pink

Tell him Bella did it

Tell him she likes it that way and she also like guys who dress as clowns

When he doesn't believe you say "Edward dressed like a clown…no wonder she likes him better"

Whenever he looks panicked say "what's the matter Lassie? There's a fire?"

When he starts to lose his temper, say "calm down!" and when he does calm down say "good boy! Who wants a treat?"

Lock him and Edward in a closet and say "I'm not letting you out until you work out your differences"

Post the results on YouTube

Tell him Edward is secretly in love with him and he's just using Bella to get to him

Take a picture of his expression

Build a giant coliseum, put in him and Edward then throw Bella in between them and yell "FIGHT TO THE DEATH!"

Steal Bella's motorbike handle, take it to him and say "sorry, she didn't make it" the run _REALLY_ fast

When he catches up to you say "JUST JOKING!" then say "or am I?" Then say "no I am" then say "but am I really?" Continue this for as long as you like

Make lost dog fliers and put his picture on them

Throw silver spoons at him (werewolf pun)

Constantly remind him that Bella would rather die than be with him

Buy him a cat

Name it Edward

Ask him how he lost Bella to an old man

When he's sleeping write "Edward dazzles me" on his forehead (in permanent ink)

Throw a stick a yell "FETCH!"

When he doesn't go after it say "what kind of a dog are you?"

Constantly repeat everything he says back to him as a question

Whenever you see a cat say "go get it Jake!"

Ask him "where does your tail go when you're not a werewolf?"

Salute him and say "yes sir" after everything he says


	4. Alice

Steal all her **left** shoes

Give them to Jacob so she can't "see" where to find them

Constantly remind her that if she were a bit shorter she could be legally classed as a midget

When she says the term "midget" is offensive say "fine...so you're vertically challenged"

Break all her credit cards and burn all her money

Paint her yellow porsche puke green

Hide in La Push so she can't "see" you

Tell her "yes that dress makes you look fat"

Go through her closet with a paint ball gun

When she asks you how it happened say "well...I was **innocently** walking down the corridor when I **tripped** through your **open** bedroom door, I steadied myself when this paint ball gun **fell** into my hands (hold up the gun) and started shooting **by itself** aimed at your closet"

When she says "that's a lie, I saw you do it in a vision" throw the gun at her and run like mad

If she asks you if you've seen someone (e.g. Jasper, Edward, Carlisle) say "PFFT! And you call yourself a psychic"

Tell her Jasper went back to Maria

Break all her heels and say "your living a lie Alice, accept your shortness, EMBRACE IT!"

Hold her credit cards above your head and say "jump for it"

Do the same with her car keys

And shoes

And Jasper

When she gets a vision ask her if her "spidey senses" are tingling

Ask her to work for your psychic hotline

When you're in an elevator, call her and ask her if she can guess what floor you're on

Trip her up and ask her if she saw it coming

When you go out in the sun with her yell "I'M MELTING!"

Throw garlic at her

Buy her a horrible ratty scarf for Christmas

When she won't wear it, break down crying

When she finally agrees to where it, get out the camera you 'conveniently' bought for Bella

Put the picture on the internet

Buy her a straitjacket

When she won't where say "well I thought you were used to this kind of clothing"

Bet against her on everything

Challenge her to a future-predicting battle

Wear the trashiest clothing you possibly can

Flirt with Jasper

When she gets mad say "oooooo don't go mental on us Alice"

Ask her to go shopping with you. When you get there, walk in and walk back out again"

When she asks what you're doing say "I changed my mind...I thought you would have seen that coming"

Follow her around and keep asking her "what am I going to say nest? What am I going to say next? What am I going to say next?"

Every time she walks in the room do the Twilight Zone tune

Run up behind her and sweep your hand through her hair

Challenge her to an arm wrestling contest, when she agrees get Emmett to arm wrestle her and say "I never said **I** would be the one arm wrestling you"

Follow behind her everywhere and every so often mutter "I am your shadow SHHHH"

Ask her if she's seen Jacob anywhere

Ask her to paint your nails and when she's done say "nope, changed my mind, I don't like that colour, do it again." When she's painted them again, tell her you don't like them again and make her redo them over and over

Whenever she tells you one of her visions say "that's what _**YOU**_think"

Follow her around making beeping noises

Ask her really mysterious questions and then scribble the answers in a notebook. Mutter something about a "psychological profile"

When she's talking, start looking around the room

When she asks what you're doing say "oh...I'm sorry did you say something?"

When she tells you a vision, scoff and say "liar"


	5. Emmett

Tell him grizzlies are extinct

Ask him how it feels to be the youngest

Run up to him, grab him and say "bear hug"

Ask him who wears the pants in his relationship

Tell him he looks like a creepy stalker rapist

Make BOOM noises every time he walks

Make a giant crash sound when he sits down

When he gets back up and walking again yell "EARTHQUAKE!" and run away screaming

Tell him brains beats brawn

Then hold up flash cards that say 2 + 2 = 4

Then say "two plus two equals four Emmett...FFFFOOOOUUUURRRR"

Ask him if he's trying to overcompensate for something with those muscles

When he says no say "that's not what Rosalie said"

Hang bear ghost puppets in the trees outside and show them to him

Then yell "THEY'VE COME BACK FOR YOU EMMETT! THEY WANT REVENGE!"

Ask him if he only likes bears because it's the only word he can spell

Stare at him for a really long time

When he asks what you're doing say "I'm waiting for you to fall asleep"

When he says he's a vampire, he can't fall asleep say "I know what will help you sleep, count down backwards from 10...oh right I forgot you're not smart enough to do that"

Run after him with a stake

After Bella beats him at arm wrestling (Breaking Dawn reference) follow him around pointing at him and doing a really loud obnoxious laugh

Make fun of the fact that he was saved from a bear by a girl

Steal his Jeep

Then stand out of the sun roof yelling "I CLAIM THIS LAND IN THE NAME OF ENGLAND!"

When he says we're in Forks yell "I CLAIM THIS LAND IN THE NAME OF......OF......OF.......ME!"

Tell Alice he wants a whole new wardrobe

Buy him a T-shirt with Winnie the Pooh on it

When he refuses to wear it break down crying

When he finally agrees to wear it, follow him around singing "he's too sexy for his shirt, too sexy for his shirt, so sexy it hurts"

Tell him Rosalie left him for Jacob

Get Bella to follow him everywhere

Make beeping noises every time he backs up

Whenever he inconspicuously talks about Bella's sex life in front of Charlie (Breaking Dawn reference) walk in the room and say "while we're on the subject will you and Rosalie keep it down!"

Buy him a teddy bear and tell him not to eat it

Sew jingle bells to all his clothes

Handcuff yourself to the sofa and tell everyone you don't want to fall off in case "the big one comes" and point to Emmett

Say "okay, you're gay" to anything he says

Occasionally throw rocks at him and laugh when they shatter

Disagree strongly with anything he says

Buy him a teddy bear

Name it "Teddy Bear"

Whenever he tries to talk growl at him

Ask him if it scares him

When he says no, chase him with a lighter and say "how about now?"

Send Edward, Rosalie, Alice, Jasper and Bella away somewhere so he's left on his own

When he asks where everyone is say "they're at Rosalie's wedding"

Walk away muttering "I wonder why they didn't invite you?"

Paint your face like a bear, stand in front of him and say in an overly-dramatic voice "NOOOOOO! DON'T EAT ME!"

Challenge him to an arm wrestling contest

Skip around him singing "Emmett kissed a guy and he liked i-it


	6. Rosalie

Call her Hoesalie at least once to her face

Say "whatever bimbo" after everything she says

When she disagrees with being a bimbo say "whatever bimbo"

Every ten minutes go to her and say "wow it sure is great to be human"

Break all her mirrors

When she gets mad at you say "you think you're mad?! I've just got 7 years bad luck!"

When she gets even more mad say "it probably was your face that did it though"

Steal all her things and throw them over the boundary line

Tell her Emmett left her for Bella

Because Bella is sooooo much prettier than her

Constantly tell her dumb blonde jokes

Convince her to dress as a bear and make sure Emmett sees her

Try to exorcise her and her "evil ways"

Ask her if the only reason she likes Emmett is because she doesn't seem as stupid next to him

Say to her "some guy called Royce has come back from the dead and he's looking for you"

Sing 'You're So Vain' whenever she walks in the room

Shave her head

Steal her red convertible

Take it for a joy ride.....in the rain

Take out her and Emmett's wedding photos and ask her if that's the same dress she used to kill Royce

Remind her Edward picked a human over her

Ask her "if you had a baby what would you name it?"

Tell her Alice is pregnant

Remind her that she's Edward's least favourite sister

While your at it, remind her she's the least favourite Cullen throughout the series

Throw crosses at her

Get her a team Jacob T-shirt

Make her wear it

Tell her that her roots are showing

Offer buy her some hair dye to fix it

Dye it purple

Tell her that Jacob imprinted on her

Get a life-size cardboard cut-out of Royce and put it in her bedroom

When she screams from the cut-out, run in saying "what is it?" Then run out screaming "AHH! A GHOST!"

Wait half an hour then put the cut-out somewhere else and this time make it look like he's talking

Wait another half an hour then run after her with it and throw it at her

Ask her if she's Jasper's twin

Pay ten guys to walk past her and say "ewwwww.....gross"

Suggest she take anger management classes

Tell her Leah is prettier than her

Ask her if she can fly

Throw baby dolls at her

Order her a tombstone

When she gets upset say "don't cry"

Stand next to her, sniff and give her a disgusted look

Give her leaflets for family planning

Ask her to go to the tanning salon with you

When she says no say "oh come oooonnnnn, it'll be a girls' day out"

Then start singing 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun!"

Stare at her until she looks then sneak up to her humming the mission impossible theme tune and sniff her


	7. Jasper

Send lust waves towards him

Keep changing your emotion over and over and over again

Say "for someone who can control emotions you're really depressing"

Braid his hair

Tell him Alice left him

Say "she didn't leave you for any particular reason, just that you bored her"

Say "I don't like your attitude!"

Constantly tell him dumb blonde jokes

Tell him a really long dumb blonde joke but pretend to forget the punch line but assure him it was a "real hoot"

Ask him if he and Rosalie are twins

Put in red contacts and run around him shouting "I AM A NEWBORN!!!"

Every 10 minutes from then on jump out from behind corners and shout "BLEHHHH I AM A NEWBORN!!! I AM WILD AND OUT OF CONTROL BLEHHHH"

Put in fake fangs and say "can I give you ANOTHER scar?"

Constantly ask him if he's in pain

Ask if you can curl his hair

When he gets angry say "NOOOOO! JASPER! DON'T EAT ME!"

Make him read the beginning of New Moon

Then throw it at him and say "CONTROL YOURSELF!"

Then say "and you were complaining that the newborns were out of control"

Go up to him, look him straight in the eye and ask him "are you hungry?"

Tell him his "gift" sucks

Call him "the walking talking chill pill"

Claim he doesn't have a gift of controlling emotions he just drugs people when they're not looking

When he denies it call him a liar and threaten to call the police

When he tells you not to do that say "it doesn't matter anyway, I'm wearing a wire!"

Talk in a really bad Texan accent whenever he's around

Tell him Maria called

Tell him Alice looks at porn

Tell him he should be a therapist

Scream "THERE'S A NEWBORN OUTSIDE!!!"

When he goes outside and comes back in say "I can't believe you fell for that!"

Tell him Alice is pregnant

Sign him up to run a blood drive

Slash Edward's tyres and hide the knife in Jasper's locker

Tell everyone at school that he is here to kill them all

When they don't believe you show them the knife in his locker

When learning about the Confederate army in History, point to a picture in the text book and say "HEY! Jasper! That looks like you!"

Every time he says something salute him

Put one of Bella's bras in his pocket

Then think out loud (so Edward can hear) _"I wonder what that's doing in Jasper's pocket?"_

Ask him to square dance with you

Every time you see him greet him by saying "howdy partner!"

Dye his hair blue

Tell him it makes him look like a troll doll

Ask him if you can hairspray it to make it stand upwards

Spill blood on the floor

Laugh hysterically when he goes for it

Say "I went to Carlisle to ask about depression and he told me to ask you"

Constantly remind him that Alice might not really love him

Ask him if he wants to sit down and talk about his "problems"


	8. Carlisle

Tell him we all know why he became a doctor – the nurses

Tell Esme the same thing

Then put lipstick on his collar and spray him with perfume

Show Esme the "evidence"

Throw blood in his face

When he asks why you did that say "you looked thirsty"

Tell him dumb blonde jokes

Tell him he's the only one who really looks like a vampire

Constantly ask him where he's from

After he keeps telling you he's from England go up to him and say "ello guvnor"

Say this every time he walks into the room

Run up to him in the hospital covered in blood every day

Constantly tell him "times have changed old man"

Every so often go up to his face and stare at him

When he asks what you're doing say "checking for wrinkles"

Ask him to keep "changing" people

Pronounce the "s" when you say his name

Leap out from behind corners and spray him with holy water

Run around the ER screaming "I've been bitten! I've been bitten!"

Fill his medical bag with blood

When he sees it say "wow, you really do bring your work home with you"

Ask him what kind of a supernatural power compassion is

Then say "what are you gonna do? Love them to death?"

Ask why Aro always calls him a "friend"?

Then ask if there's something you should know

When he says no say "you do get around a bit though don't you"

When he says no call him a liar

Break all his doctor's equipment

When he asks why you did it say "I don't believe in your evil witchcraft ways!"

Destroy his room

When he asks why you did it say "there was a spider"

Then point to the floor and scream "AHHH! IT'S THERE CARLISLE! EAT IT!"

Laugh at everything he says

Repeat everything he says five seconds later

Give him a spray tan

Steal all his clothes and replace them with new hot pink clothes

When he gets mad say "I don't know why you're mad, pink is so your colour, everyone knows blondes can pull off pink"

When he demands his old clothes back say "FINE! Go get them" *evil smile* "they're in La Push"

Ask him how much hair gel he uses really

Follow him around everywhere while mumbling the Mission Impossible theme tune

When he looks to see what you're doing hide behind stupid things like lamps, plants and Alice

Cover yourself in ketchup and run up to him shouting "I'M BLLLLLLEEEEDDDDIIIINNNGGGG!!!!!"

When he says "no you're not, I can smell the ketchup" say "what's your point?"

Tell him Esme left him for Aro

When he doesn't believe say "you brought this on yourself" then shake your head and mutter "all those nurses"

Then ask "who are you more upset to have lost? Esme or Aro?"

Die his hair black

Walk around with his doctor's bag, wearing his doctor's jacket and with a CD stuck to your head"

Claim to be Carlisle

Challenge him to a race


	9. Esme

Tell her about all the pretty nurses that Carlisle works with

Tell her he and a blonde one have been getting pretty close lately

Keep telling her about your plans for ALL the children you're going to have in the future

Start eating her hair

When she asked what your doing shout "LIES!!! That isn't caramel!"

Ask her if she knows Carlisle's wayyy older than her and if she does ask her why she married a paedophile

Ask her if she and Carlisle have weird doctor-nurse role-playing

Put lipstick on Carlisle's collar and tape Esme's reaction when she sees it

Put the reaction on YouTube

Give her baby clothes, baby toys, bottles etc.

Mess up the house and break everything and track mud everywhere

Claim everyone but you did it

Buy her a mother's day card that sings YMCA

Tell her Carlisle left her for Aro

Say "apparently he likes his hair colour better"

Walk in with a piece of paper and say "Esme? Who's Jane? And why does she refer to you as "hot stuff"?

Stand in front of her holding an expensive vase, throw it on the ground, stamp on it, kick it and burn it. Then say "EDWARD? Why did you do that? You know what that vase meant to Esme"

Say "come on let's all have a nice friendly game on arm wrestling…ON ESME'S TABLE!!!"

Dye her hair white

Walk into the room and when you see her hair scream "AHH AHHHHH GHOST!!!!" Run out throwing your arms everywhere, breaking things in the process

Buy her chocolates for mother's day

Cry when she won't eat them and claim she doesn't love you

Write "Esme doesn't love me" on the walls and windows and doors and mirrors etc

Walk around wearing a white glove and wiping your fingers across surfaces. Tut consistently.

Follow her around everywhere

Spray everything she touches with cleaning spray

Pronounce her name wrong

Keep asking her how she jumped off a cliff and survived

Ask if she has superpowers

Ask her if she has a thing for English dudes

Stand next to her and say "can you smell me from here?"

When she says yes walk one TINY step away and say "how about now?"

Keep doing this for as long as it takes (and it will take a long time ;D)

Line up Edward, Bella, Alice, Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie and ask her which one is her favourite

When she says she loves them all equally whisper "it's Alice isn't it?"

Call her and say in a fake voice "congratulations, you won the 'once in a lifetime' chance to adopt a vampire, do you want to claim this prize?"

Ask her where babies come from

Fill an envelope with flour and send it to her

When she leaves the house, rearrange all the furniture and sit upside down on the sofa so that when she comes back you can say "whoa, what just happened?…..oh ohhhhhhhhh not again!"

Keep answering her phone "hello, domino's pizza, how may I help you?"

Change the message on her answering machine to "hello, this is Esme Cullen, I can't come to the phone right now as I am busy eating people"

Leave her millions of sticky-notes around the house which just have pointless stuff written on them or even nothing at all

Break something valuable to her and offer to pay for it…with pennies

When Carlisle's at the hospital ask her if she knows where he is. When she says he's at work say "really? Hmm I didn't know Carlisle worked at the Spearmint Rhino"

Keep going up to her and asking her to tie your shoelace every 2 minutes

When she sits next to you on the sofa, scream "AHHHH YOU'RE SITTING ON MY IMAGINARY FRIEND TED!"

Constantly ask for directions, like how to get out of the house ;D

When she asks you to do something say "you want fries with that?"

Offer her a caramel shake. Start shaking her and claim this is the way to make it

Read this list and all the others over and over and over and over


	10. Renesmee

Make her dress as the loch ness monster for Halloween

Make her dress as the loch ness monster even when it's not Halloween

Sneak up behind, pull one of her curls and say BOING!

Refuse to let her touch your head to talk

Say "NO! You will talk to me!"

Don't let her see Jacob ever again

Say the smell of dog was just too much to handle

Say "this is for your own good AND my own good, I ain't letting you have puppies together!"

Tell her that her father isn't Edward, it's a Chinese Jew Bella met one drunken night in Vegas

Ask her if she's half human and half vampire then does that make her a vuman or a hampire…or a vampman…or a humpire?

Randomly walk into the room, say "HA! You have a stupid name", then walk out

Give her "the talk"

Make Edward also give her "the talk"

And Emmett

And Jasper

And Carlisle

Keep measuring her every five minutes

Show her a picture of the loch ness monster and say "that's what you're named after"

Put the picture next to her and say "OH! Now I see the resemblance!"

Tell her about how Jacob wanted to have sex with her mom

Make her drink werewolf blood

Give her human food to eat. When she refuses to eat it say "what kind of a half-human are you?"

Describe to her (including every single gory detail) how she was born

Constantly sing "Nessie's mom has got it going on" ;)

Tell her she can talk to you by touching your cheek then move away at the last minute. Repeat this many times.

Write on her forehead "Demon Child"

Draw a crude picture of the devil with fangs on her cheeks to accompany it

Call the discovery channel and tell them you've found Nessie

Keep throwing water at her claiming that it's because she can't survive out of the loch ness for too long without moisture

Just randomly walk up to her and say "your dad is a better vampire"

Go up to her and say "you know, you look more like Emmett than you do Edward…hmm I wonder" then walk away thoughtfully

Say "well I guess it will be a good thing if you marry Jacob, you'll have a husband AND a pet!"

Tell her Santa isn't bringing her any presents this year because she's been a very naughty girl almost killing her mom then her entire family and other vampires who she doesn't even know

Tell her Jacob wanted to "wrestle" with her mommy

Make her go ask him why he doesn't want to "wrestle" with her

**A/N Heyyy sorry I couldn't think of 50 for this one "/ oh well it'll do (: Anyhoooo just wanted to wish you all a merry Christmas and a happy new year! Toodles! (: Love Naomi xx**


	11. Charlie Swan

Tell him Bella ran away to Vegas with Edward to elope

Make him read the sex scenes in breaking dawn over and over and over again

Tell him Edward's a vampire…simple

Make fun of the fact he doesn't get many lines in the books

Steal his cruiser every morning

Or hide his keys every morning

Bring it back before he gets home

Act all serious and say "Charlie, I need to talk to you…it's about Bella…s-she…oh gosh I don't know how I'm going to say this…but…she…she likes purple"

Hoax call the police station every five minutes

Tell him about how Edward's in Bella's room EVERY night

Then tell him Jacob was in there a couple times too

Before he meets Renesmee say "HEY! How's it feel to be a Grandad?"

When he's watching the game, constantly keep flipping channels

Suggest he have "the talk" with Bella

Ask why he keeps trying to hook Bella and Jacob up

Ask him if something's going on with him and Carlisle

Tell him Bella's pregnant, but you don't know who the father is

Then say your moneys on Mike

Report Edward as a paedophile then show Charlie the file

Tell him Renee is a waaaay better parent

Tell him the REAL reason Bella ended up in hospital

Tell him not to shoot any wolves…it might be Jacob

Tell him Edward's killed people before, infact you could call him a serial killer

Tell him Bella's most likely his next victim

If not then it's probably him who's his next victim

Dye his hair blonde

Give him a Jedward

Make him sing Ghostbusters over and over again

Nickname him Char Char

Say "Heyyy Char Char, do you like the beach? I know Bella and Jake do if you catch my drift ;)"

Tell him aaalll about the cliff diving accident and how her ex ran off to get mythical creatures to kill himself

Laugh at his moustache

Constantly comb his moustache

Maybe dye it pink? It'd look lovely with his Jedward hair

Throw Bella off a table

Whenever he gets mad at you say "oh go watch the game!"

Run inside saying "eeeeeewwwwwww Edward's practically eating Bella's face"….then coincidentally find a gun and give it to him

A/N again couldn't get 50 sorry ): but oh well what do you do? Anyhoooo there's this new forum site someone asked me to share with you guys, its just for fan fiction and fan art in general, anything you want to discuss (: .net thaaaaaaanks (Y)


	12. Billy Black

Every time he goes past sing "keep rollin'"

Ask him how it feels that his sons a dog

Then ask "if your sons a dog...who did you sleep with? Lassie?"

Then get him arrested for bestiality

Push him out of his wheelchair

Take it for a joyride

Keep challenging him to races

And skipping

And rollerblading

And ice skating

Tell him Charlie has a huuuuuuuge crush on him

Write fake love letters from Charlie and send them to him

Send flowers too

And chocolates

And use a skywriter to write a poem protesting Charlie's love in the sky

Tell him vampires are waaaay better than werewolves

Inform him he might want to think about pet insurance for Jacob

Constantly tell him to keep Jacob on a leash

Threaten to call animal control if he doesn't

Tell him Jacob imprinted on a vampire

After he's stopped freaking out and asks which one tell him it's Carlisle

Convince him they're getting married

And they want him to be ring barer

Offer him doggy treats

Wheel him down a reeeally steep hill

Start scratching uncontrollably and shout "duuuuude you gave me fleas!"

Sorry it's not 50 again but it gets harder with these characters :P any suggestions are always appreciated :) x

Shave his hair and steal his hat


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